I love being a Mesa-ian.

If you look at the post before this, I'm trying to find things to calm me down.

  For the past couple weeks Mesa has been either really cold, pretty warm or perfect. The coldness was lasting for FOREVER and EVER, like it was 30 degrees every morning. Then when Spring started to approach, the weather shot up to the high 80's- almost 90's. So I would start off the morning with a jacket thinking it would be cold all day, but, boy was I wrong! I would be sweating when I would load into my car.

  Then on February 20th, IT SNOWED IN MESA ARIZONA. It legitimately gave an inch of snow and it was the best day ever. Of course it was gone but the morning, but it was my favorite February 20th of 18 years! The heat returned after that and stayed.

  BUT - it rained last night and continued to rain this morning, making it a little chilly but the Sun still came out. That is my ultimate favorite weather, Arizona rain is beautiful! Nothing can beat it! (I know I should take pictures - I'm working on taking more pictures) And it makes me laugh when people from like New York or Washington say, "Rain is so gross and dreary!" Well, that's because you see it all the time. When it rains in Arizona, everything comes to life! Yeah, it might be a little cold but everyone living and non-living thing embraces it! I used to not like living in Mesa just because I felt like nothing happens and it's just an ordinary city, but it really isn't!

{What calmed me down today?}
1) The rain
2) The perfect weather
3) I had an Astronomy test and I feel pretty confident. That's pretty awesome for a person who has test anxiety.
4) I get to have a sleepover tonight with my awesome friend of 7 years.

I know there are going to be things that will build up anger inside me... but I really am trying hard not to explode. It scares me when I explode because that's not who I am. I'm pretty great, not someone who explodes. I have to get my wisdom teeth out and I want to be completely knocked out but the dentist I go to is just going to numb me and give me laughing gas (which I've never experienced before) while yanking out 1-2 of my wisdom teeth.

 If there is anything that scares me the most, it is needles.

I know it is a common fear, but to me .... it's absolutely panic.

Why?

1) A sharp needle is going into my face, I can see and feel it.

2) What if the numbing medicine doesn't work? AND I FEEL THE WHOLE THING?

3) I usually beg for the numbing gel BEFORE the give the numbing shot ... what if that doesn't work?!?

At my old dentist, I needed to have a cavity filled. This dentist was definitely, um, ghetto. I begged for the numbing gel and for it to be in my mouth for a solid 10 minutes. "Oh yeah! Totally!" said the She-Dentist. She swabbed the numbing gel and then put the needle in my mouth. BOOM tears. Everywhere. Shaking, crying - it was my ultimate nightmare. I felt everything and I hated it.

--NOTE: I can take a normal shot in my arm perfectly fine... sometimes. But giving blood, getting an IV? Aw heck no.--

So I have 1 to 2 wisdom teeth that have already come in, my other 2 are impacted and don't want to make things any easier and/or cheaper. I'm afraid I'm going to be a ticking time bomb on the day I have to get my wisdom teeth out... I guess it's just another challenge that I'm willing to face!

Repairs.

So .... this isn't depressing .... I promise

I've been easily angered lately, and it's gotten to the point where it's TOO easy to become angry. I lashed out at my mom last night and I did this maybe 15 minutes after I prayed to Heavenly Father for help to get rid of this anger. I broke down in tears, I legitimately felt like a failure already. I don't want to lash out at people and I don't want to be angry - I want to be happy. I know if I keep this anger inside me, I'm going to be a terrible missionary and I'll also be a horrendous mother/wife ... and those facts scare the living daylights outta me. My #1 fear is not getting married in the temple and #2 fear is being a terrible mother. I feel like I can't control my anger and I need help ... I prayed last night again before I went to bed and asked for some guidance on what I should do if I feel anxiety, and I'm about to lash out. Well, I didn't get the answer right away but this afternoon my college class was cancelled and I came up with some ideas as I was driving around:

1) Go somewhere that makes you calm and happy.
 - Today I went to Petsmart, naturally. I love animals and walking around looking at the dogs, gerbils and wildebeests (I wish) just made me calm. I must have looked like a dork, not buying anything... just looking at everything - Psh, oh well!
2) Write a happy note to someone.
- I wrote a "I'm sorry" note to my mom explaining how I felt and how I'm going to try hard to control my anger. Sometimes venting a little can really help!
3) Do a random act of kindness.
- My mom LOOOVES Chick-fil-A chocolate chip cookies - 320 calories of pure heaven. I went to a restaurant nearby and picked up one for her. I attached the note to the cookie and gave it to her. It's so funny when she sees the cookie in my hands - her eyes LIGHT UP. :)

Those were some of the things I did today to help me be calm. I could have gotten annoyed because I drove all the way to MCC to find out my class was cancelled - but I didn't. I just found something to do to keep my mind off of anger. And that is my goal - DON'T BE ANGRY.
***For those who read my blog, I'll start to post things I have done that certain day that helped calm me down and if you have any ideas, please comment!!