I love being a Mesa-ian.

If you look at the post before this, I'm trying to find things to calm me down.

  For the past couple weeks Mesa has been either really cold, pretty warm or perfect. The coldness was lasting for FOREVER and EVER, like it was 30 degrees every morning. Then when Spring started to approach, the weather shot up to the high 80's- almost 90's. So I would start off the morning with a jacket thinking it would be cold all day, but, boy was I wrong! I would be sweating when I would load into my car.

  Then on February 20th, IT SNOWED IN MESA ARIZONA. It legitimately gave an inch of snow and it was the best day ever. Of course it was gone but the morning, but it was my favorite February 20th of 18 years! The heat returned after that and stayed.

  BUT - it rained last night and continued to rain this morning, making it a little chilly but the Sun still came out. That is my ultimate favorite weather, Arizona rain is beautiful! Nothing can beat it! (I know I should take pictures - I'm working on taking more pictures) And it makes me laugh when people from like New York or Washington say, "Rain is so gross and dreary!" Well, that's because you see it all the time. When it rains in Arizona, everything comes to life! Yeah, it might be a little cold but everyone living and non-living thing embraces it! I used to not like living in Mesa just because I felt like nothing happens and it's just an ordinary city, but it really isn't!

{What calmed me down today?}
1) The rain
2) The perfect weather
3) I had an Astronomy test and I feel pretty confident. That's pretty awesome for a person who has test anxiety.
4) I get to have a sleepover tonight with my awesome friend of 7 years.

I know there are going to be things that will build up anger inside me... but I really am trying hard not to explode. It scares me when I explode because that's not who I am. I'm pretty great, not someone who explodes. I have to get my wisdom teeth out and I want to be completely knocked out but the dentist I go to is just going to numb me and give me laughing gas (which I've never experienced before) while yanking out 1-2 of my wisdom teeth.

 If there is anything that scares me the most, it is needles.

I know it is a common fear, but to me .... it's absolutely panic.

Why?

1) A sharp needle is going into my face, I can see and feel it.

2) What if the numbing medicine doesn't work? AND I FEEL THE WHOLE THING?

3) I usually beg for the numbing gel BEFORE the give the numbing shot ... what if that doesn't work?!?

At my old dentist, I needed to have a cavity filled. This dentist was definitely, um, ghetto. I begged for the numbing gel and for it to be in my mouth for a solid 10 minutes. "Oh yeah! Totally!" said the She-Dentist. She swabbed the numbing gel and then put the needle in my mouth. BOOM tears. Everywhere. Shaking, crying - it was my ultimate nightmare. I felt everything and I hated it.

--NOTE: I can take a normal shot in my arm perfectly fine... sometimes. But giving blood, getting an IV? Aw heck no.--

So I have 1 to 2 wisdom teeth that have already come in, my other 2 are impacted and don't want to make things any easier and/or cheaper. I'm afraid I'm going to be a ticking time bomb on the day I have to get my wisdom teeth out... I guess it's just another challenge that I'm willing to face!

Repairs.

So .... this isn't depressing .... I promise

I've been easily angered lately, and it's gotten to the point where it's TOO easy to become angry. I lashed out at my mom last night and I did this maybe 15 minutes after I prayed to Heavenly Father for help to get rid of this anger. I broke down in tears, I legitimately felt like a failure already. I don't want to lash out at people and I don't want to be angry - I want to be happy. I know if I keep this anger inside me, I'm going to be a terrible missionary and I'll also be a horrendous mother/wife ... and those facts scare the living daylights outta me. My #1 fear is not getting married in the temple and #2 fear is being a terrible mother. I feel like I can't control my anger and I need help ... I prayed last night again before I went to bed and asked for some guidance on what I should do if I feel anxiety, and I'm about to lash out. Well, I didn't get the answer right away but this afternoon my college class was cancelled and I came up with some ideas as I was driving around:

1) Go somewhere that makes you calm and happy.
 - Today I went to Petsmart, naturally. I love animals and walking around looking at the dogs, gerbils and wildebeests (I wish) just made me calm. I must have looked like a dork, not buying anything... just looking at everything - Psh, oh well!
2) Write a happy note to someone.
- I wrote a "I'm sorry" note to my mom explaining how I felt and how I'm going to try hard to control my anger. Sometimes venting a little can really help!
3) Do a random act of kindness.
- My mom LOOOVES Chick-fil-A chocolate chip cookies - 320 calories of pure heaven. I went to a restaurant nearby and picked up one for her. I attached the note to the cookie and gave it to her. It's so funny when she sees the cookie in my hands - her eyes LIGHT UP. :)

Those were some of the things I did today to help me be calm. I could have gotten annoyed because I drove all the way to MCC to find out my class was cancelled - but I didn't. I just found something to do to keep my mind off of anger. And that is my goal - DON'T BE ANGRY.
***For those who read my blog, I'll start to post things I have done that certain day that helped calm me down and if you have any ideas, please comment!!

And so it has begun!

Today on February 24th, 2013....

{I STARTED MY MISSION PAPERS!!!!!!}

(finally)

You will not believe how long I have been waiting for this to happen. It is unreal and I feel like I'm in a dream almost - good thing I'm not or I'd be REALLY mad when I'd wake up. This process is amazing and I'm already loving every second. 

My plan is ...

1. Send them in June

2. Wait

3. Receive my glorious mission call

4. Turn 19 on October 13th (Sunday) and have my farewell the same day

5. Leave October 16th 2013

6. Return April 16th 2015

I use to pray to Heavenly Father (I still do, don't worry) asking Him to send me to anywhere out of the USA. But now, I honestly would be stoked if I was called to like...Maine or Ohio. I would LOVE to be called to Ohio, Missouri, Illinois, Palmyra, etc. All of those states are associated with Church History and if there's anything I love studying about, it's Church History. Even if I was called to Salt Lake City - I would be SO excited!! I mean, heck, I was born there and I don't remember anything about it. Soooo, why not?

BUT.

I would be "extra" excited if I got sent to a different country. :)

Here are some countries I'd LOVE to be called to and why:

-- Norway Oslo Mission, my great great great Aunt Antoinette was born there and crossed the plains with the pioneers.

-- Some mission in Australia, I had an ancestor who was from there as well.

-- Canada Halifax Mission, Pa Winsor served his mission there. 

-- Scotland/Ireland Mission, ever since I was little I've wanted to go to Ireland.

But like I said, I will be happy with anything because that is where the Lord needs me to be. I found this quote on how mission calls are assigned:

“I have had [many] experiences feeling of the Holy Ghost…But I’ve never felt what I have felt as I have…participated in the assigning of missionaries…Because of technology, it is possible for us to have your picture and the information about you displayed. And then quickly, on that same screen, all the missions of the Church with all of their needs are displayed. Within minutes, and sometimes less than a minute, the impression comes so powerfully that it would be, if it were a single instance, something that you would never forget. Can you imagine sitting there for hours at a time, having that happen time after time without interruption? I testify to you that it is real…[The Lord] somehow not only knows you but loves you enough to ensure that your call is where He needs you to go to teach the children of our Heavenly Father.” (Pres. Henry B. Eyring, “Called of God,” address delivered at the Missionary Training Center, Aug. 26, 1997).

Well, I just wanted to share this AMAZING news and crazy beginning. I am so excited to be called to who knows where and bring the Gospel to people's lives for 18 months. 

Somebody is tuggin' at my heart strings..

Elder Jordan Brimley
February 13th 2013 - February 13th 2015

And just like that, another one is off. Seeing/saying "Elder" just really gets me now, it's such a bittersweet word to say. It's going to be about 3 years until I see him again, along with many other of my friends since I'm hopefully leaving in October 2013.  BUT. I'm so proud of this man and what strength he is going to bring to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. 2 years of teaching, preaching, testimony bearing, bicycle riding, gator wrestling ... it's amazing what he is going to do. I was Honor Choir President and he was Vice President during our senior year of high school. I couldn't have been more lucky to have such a great VP by my side. I can't wait to come back from my mission and be greeted by this future RM.

Go get em Elder!!!

Then I thought somebody was barbecuin' ....

If you are having a rough day, watch this over and over...

I seriously can watch this over and over and over - and I can still almost die from laughing.

Bah Humbug.

"But Aubri! It's not Christmas!"

Well, Psh. Yeah I know that.

If you have been reading my blog for a while now, you'd notice how much I love Christmas. But it is February and we ALL know what that means...

"Single Awareness Day"

"Forever Alone Day"

"Watch Chick Flicks while eating terrible junk food Day"

...

A.K.A

Valentine's Day

(hence the 'Bah Humbug')

Yes, in exactly a week...everyone will start makin' out with each other, buying ridiculously HUGE teddy bears, 200 dozen roses and 30 boxes of chocolates. Yeah, I get it. Love is not a bad thing - I know that. Love is SUPER stellar. But why dedicate ONE day to showing that "certain someone" how much you love them through worldly things and Facebook? Go tell the person, face to face, how much you love/appreciate them... EVERYDAY. Even if you're single, go tell your mom/dad/goldfish how much you love them... it doesn't have to be a "boyfriend/girlfriend/lover" type of deal. 

Is it obvious Valentine's Day is NOT my favorite holiday?

No, I didn't have some traumatic experience with Valentine's Day - and I DO like candy...don't get me wrong. But even since I was little, I just never saw the point of this "holiday". Why is it called a "Holiday" anyways? I mean, a day dedicated to love? Shouldn't everyday be dedicated to love and appreciation? 

(I sounded SUPER hippie-like right there) 

*Insert "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles here*

Ok, enough with my Valentine's Day rant. I promise I am a happy, loving person.

In 3 months, I'm going to spend 3 days at the Happiest Place On Earth (besides the Temple). That's right folks, 

May 19th - 24th will be pure happiness. My brother, his girlfriend, Ma Winsor and I are all going! This will be the third year IN A ROW we've gone and this will be the last if I go on a mission. 

I cannot wait :)

Subconscious. Go away.

Ever since more than half of my missionary friends left, I've been quite lonely. Guess what? I STILL have more to send off. -cries- Can October come ANY faster?

It all started with Jacob Black leaving in April 2012, then Sam Dampt July 2012, Rusty Burbank August 2012, Hyrum Layton October 2012, Bethany Cluff and Colton Bond December 2012, Todd Leavitt December 2012, Jacob Peterson January 2013, Natalie Lewis January 2013 .... and now Jordan Brimley leaves on February 13th 2013.... Why must they all leave me?!

(Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of them and SUPER happy they are gone....but then I'm not happy.... Is it super obvious how stubborn I am?)

So the point of this post was, I had the worst AND best dream ever last night. I was at a YSA (young single adult) Activity with Brimley. We were sitting on one of the pews in the Sacrament meeting area and he turns to me asking, "What if Sam was back from his mission?" Naturally I answered, "That'd be super stellar." THEN out of no where, Sam decides to pop up right next to Brimley. 

My thoughts were:

1) Wow, two years went by really fast.

2) Why didn't I know that he was already back?!?! -anger-

3) I'M NOT ALONE!!! If he's back already, then my other missionary friends won't be far behind.

4) What is that beeping sound? Oh ... it's my alarm ... and I'm about to wake up to a harsh reality.

And my #4 thought couldn't have been anymore correct, I woke up to reality. My subconscious likes to play CRUEL tricks on me and it's been conducting these type of tricks for the last 2 months. And this dream was WAY too realistic, that it's scary. 

{Basically the moral of this story is;}

Become a cat lady, then you won't be alone.